Sorry for my Absence

I just wanted to let everyone know that Pretty Girl Confessions will be back up and running very shortly. I have had some personal medical issues (which haven’t stopped, but I can’t refrain from life any longer) that have prevented me from writing in my blog. Later today or within the next few days will be a new post. So look for the new re-vamped, re-invented, and advertised blog. Thanks everyone!

 Pretty Girl

Pretty Girls and Their Pretty Makeup

Since I am still going through this medical stuff and can’t get too philosophical, I thought I would let you guys know about a company I ran across. You see I wanted to look online to see how many other blogs, that are similar to mine, were being written. I found mostly superficial blogs or women who just wanted to complain and offer no insight. But, I happened to come across another female’s blog mentioning a company called Pretty Girl. They sell makeup and from the looks of it, good makeup. So I thought I would give you guys something to look at besides my usual boring psychology articles. (This is not a paid post, I just thought it was perfect considering the name of my blog. Maybe sometime in the future I will try them out and give you guys a review!)

Take a look at Pretty Girl Makeup. (And their bath products too, the goats milk soap looks so soothing.. I am a sucker for specialty soaps.)

I was especially hooked when I read the Philosophy section of the website, here is an excerpt:

“As I look through fashion and celebrity magazines and go about my day being a PRETTY GIRL, I am always trying to think of new and exciting products to add to the line.”

We as Pretty Girls need to feel like pretty girls, because after all isn’t makeup for us not for the ones admiring it? You will know good makeup when it makes you smile as soon as you take it from it’s resting place, simply because it makes you feel good. Finding the perfect shades isn’t hard either! All you have to do is look to your favorite colors, and never underestimate your many different moods. If you buy a shocking teal eyeshadow and a week later wonder why… just put it aside for now, you will soon find yourself back in a teal mood! But for me, I can never go wrong or have enough PINK.

Remember Pretty Girls…

If it makes you feel good, you will look 10 times better wearing it than someone who bought it to impress someone else!

Gathering Myself

I have been taking the past few weeks to gather myself and what not due to medical things going on. I am working on a few goodies for you guys! Check back in a few weeks while I sort things out!

Pushing. Give Up and Let Go

Have you ever wondered about the women who would not take no for an answer? Ever wonder why they can’t accept the words given to them? I don’t have to wonder, I was one of them. I was part of the female clan of never gave up and never let go.

“You need to take a step back, I understand. But you still love me right? We still have a chance? Your goal is to be with me again, right?”

“Yes. I love you and want to be with you but I can’t handle a relationship right now. But I do want to eventually be with you.”

1 month later after much pushing and pulling:

“You don’t love me? You said your goal was to be with me, you said we had a chance. You said you love me. Why don’t you love me anymore? What did I do? Can you please tell me we still have a chance, can you please try to make this work.”

“It’s over, why can’t you accept this. You need to move on. I already have. I don’t want a relationship with you or anyone else. It will never happen, I will never love you again, we just don’t work.  Just accept it.”

The pushing and pulling goes on as long as the other person is willing to talk to the pusher or until they are so cruel to the pusher that the pusher is no longer obsessed with them but rather obsessed with their hatred of them. This happens because of the fallacy of the pusher in believing their happiness is dependent upon another person. It goes as far as the love they recieve from other people is put in the place where love of themselves should be. When they lose that love from another, they lose their love of themselves. Depression ensues and self-worth is brought to an even lower low. Creating the cycle to go out and fill self-love with the love of yet another person. The cycle cannot be broken until the pusher finds their own self worth. But the real question, is it maturity that brings the pusher to confront their self-worth or does it take more than that? What about the people who ignore warning signs within a relationship and proceed to endure the relationship knowing in the end it will not work out. Are they too pushers, looking to fill something within themselves that only they can provide?

And to answer both of those questions, yes! Yes it takes more than just maturity to confront your self worth, it needs purpose, reason, intent, and understanding. And, yes people who ignore warning signs or “Uh oh” moments in a relationship are also pushers. Maybe pusher as a label is too harsh for them, but they are nudgers of behaviors and actions that help to destroy a relationship. A relationship is supposed to built on trust, commitment, and communication. A pusher breaks trust, misunderstands commitment, and is an unwilling partner in communication. These women suffer from the worst affliction in womanhood, lack of self-esteem.

What does this mean for interactions with other women?

Not only can they not relate to other women, they are fearful of them, themselves, and just about everyone around them. Yet at times they are so attracted to confident women that they start to believe they have the answers. This rings true for the men they are attracted to as well. The pushers go into the situation believing they know or have less than whomever they are with and seek constant approval in hopes to boost their self-esteem. Many times these women are either the loners or they are the copy-cats. Although the copy-cat syndrome is more prevelant in adolescence than in adulthood. Getting close to anyone means that eventually that person will figure out they are not worth anything and will eventually leave them. In fact most pushers create the situation in which they will be left by a friend or lover, merely by their need to push. Their need for constant approval and validation wears other people out making them leave the pusher behind, hence reinforcing how the pusher feels about themselves. Pushers among women are the hardest breed in which to deal with. Yet pushers are the type of women that need the most help.

What can we do to help pushers?

First you must be able to spot a pusher. Sometimes pushers are hard to pick out due to their cunning ability to mimick confidence and self-worth. After all they want people to think highly of them. They only start to show their true color when you get too close for comfort, or you have known them long enough that their “cover” starts to show the holes in it. But, once you have spotted a pusher th single most important thing you should know is that you cannot help them. You can be supportive, but you cannot help them. You have but one choice to make; accept the pusher as a pusher or don’t. It is awful to know that pushers are the ones who need the most help yet they are the ones who are the least likely to recieve it or take it.

Crawling From the Cracks

“I have had a crush on you forever” or “I have been in love with you for a long time.” Ever notice that these phrases come at you when you decide to settle down with someone, marriage or some sort of commitment. This especially rings true for those who have a reputation for playing the field or the one no one can seem to get close to. This is the classic case of people crawling from the cracks. Once they have been confronted with the fact that you are able to commit or are able to let someone in, it makes them realize that they never tried. What makes them able to speak their feelings freely to you is the known rejection factor. If they know someone is spoken for and they express their feelings despite it, there are two things compelling them to do so. 1) The hope of you seeing their potential 2) with the least amount of risk involved. They can calm their rejection fears by telling themselves, it may have been different for me if they were not involved with someone else. This is a classic case of a defense mechanism. They give themselves the least hurtful route. There is always risk within a relationship, as well as with give and take. If they are not willing to risk anything why would you have thought to risk anything for them.

What does this mean for the relationship between women?

On the Pretty Girl scale of prettiness these crawler girls would score a 4 or below. They lack the confidence it takes to be able to risk rejection. This type of lacking can manifest in two different ways towards the Pretty Girl; hatred or envy. There is almost some sort of mixure of both. They may on one hand hate the Pretty Girl for the illusion of “getting him first.” When in reality the crawlers had just as much of a starting chance had they risked the possibility of rejection. On the other hand they may envy the Pretty Girl for having that “something” that got such a great guy. They start to try to pick apart the Pretty Girl trying to find what she may have that they lack. This almost inevitably feeds into the hatred side of the crawlers. They look to the Pretty Girl to enforce their own feelings of inadequacy. They blame the smartness, prettiness, or success of the other girl. When the source of their failure is themselves. Many times they lack the ability to “be what they think.” If they think and believe they are pretty, that prettiness is then conveyed to other people. If they think and believe they cannot compare to other people, that inadequacy is then conveyed to others.

What can we do to douse the flames of hatred and envy?

It is simple. Believe in yourself. Trust your feelings. If you believe they or it is worth the risk, then you take it. If you don’t someone else will come along who is willing to. You cannot blame them for this, you can only blame yourself.

Imitating Art

You know the saying life imitating art, well this is one of those kinds of confessions. Remember the point Krystal brought up about competition, my life just happens to be in the middle of one very big competition. I am the Pretty Girl of pretty girl confessions, by my own standard I am at the very least an 8, if not a 10 most of the time. If dating and liking/loving someone was a competition I would be one fierce competitor.  However; knowing that it is not some contest… I become just another girl. Yes a unique girl, but just as unique as everyone else is.

The players:

1. The boy
2. Me
3. A few other girls

The situation:

Boy meets girl1, they start talking/casually dating. Boy meets girl2, they become friends with a little more. Boy meets girl3, he casually dates her as well. Then boy meets girl4, and is casually dating her but is also very intimate with her, girl4 being me… The Pretty Girl. Me, being the Pretty Girl I am, wants the boy to be exclusive with me. Boy has a choice to make. 1) Stick with casual dating which he enjoys and has stated from the beginning is the only thing he wants, or 2) be exclusive with the Pretty Girl and tell all the other remaining girls he is no longer available. The boy chooses option 2.

This is just the situation thus far, what is much more interesting is the reactions of the remaining girls and even girls who were not involved to begin with. Once the words came out of his mouth to each girl, wham a competition was in place. A competition I was winning and lead competitor of. The phone calls and instant messages started. Some were brash reactions which I would expect. But the one reaction that gives homage to my last post are the girls who are suddenly being very accomidating and eager where they were not before. They feel that if they somehow change their behavior, it will somehow change how he feels about someone else. Their reaction alone tells me that they are not confident within themselves. Their reactions, in my opinion, only make the choice he made look wiser. To give an example one of the girls always had an excuse to why she could never go out, but now that he has chosen someone else… she is suddenly available and eager to. Did she suddenly realize that they could really make a wonderful couple or was it really the fact that she had felt she lost some sort of competition? The bigger question she must ask her self is, what did she lose? If my now exclusive boyfriend had chosen one of the other girls, would I have lost something? The answer is a big resounding no! Yes, I would be upset, yes I would feel bummed out. But I wouldn’t feel like I lost, I wouldn’t feel the need to change myself in order for someone to like me. I am me, and either people will like that or won’t, some may even be able to love me for all that I am. Who I am as a person can in no way shape or form compete with who another person is. Because there is no competition. I “won” out over them only because I am better suited for him not that I am better than the other girls!

Next post:
Crawling from the Cracks.  Also, coming soon, an in-depth interview.

Confession Q&A #1: “Krystal”

Today I did a short interview of fellow pretty girl, Krystal. It has long been a desire of mine to get inside of the minds of other pretty (and confident) girls, I want to know do they feel like I do, do they feel differently? I asked some basic questions of Krystal to get an idea of where she and others see her in the world. Following this 5 question survey will be a commentary from your very own Pretty Girl.

Pretty Girl: On a prettiness scale how pretty do you think YOU are?
Krystal:  Geez, um, when I’m all dressed up with no where to go, I’d give myself a 5 

Pretty Girl: On a prettiness scale how pretty do you think guys out on the town think you are?
Krystal: Ok, I guess I’ll base that one on how many double takes I get, a 4

Pretty Girl: On a prettiness scale how pretty do you think other GIRLS think you are (not in a homosexual way)?
Krystal: Even in a homosexual way, or not, a 3. They tend to look down thier noses at me

Pretty Girl: Do you think that your prettiness influences how other girls percieve you and do you think this effects having a possible freindship with them?
Krystal: well, I think sometimes those superficial kinda girls don’t want to be friends until they get to know me, I”m just one of the guys and no competition
<contemplative pause>
but really, who wants to be friends with people who aren’t willing to see past superficial things? This is why I befriend guys better

Pretty Girl: What is one thing about being a pretty girl that you wished other people knew or understood?
Krystal: That in the morning, I wake up with fuzzy hair and horrible breath just like everybody. I’m not out to get your man and it’s all make up and straightening irons <smile>

I personally think Krystal is at least a 6, especially given her personality.. The way she coveys herself. With that said, being pretty is only half the battle. You can be pretty and lack confidence which will bring the numbers of your scales down. Likewise, if you are pretty and have confidence, your numbers tend to go up accross the scales. Also keep in mind that Pretty Girl Confessions scales are scaled to exclude models/famous people. They have an army behind them, the rest of us do not. If Krystal, I, or any of the other pretty girls I interview had an army of hairdressers, make-up artists, publisists, and agents are numbers would go way up.

Krystal brought up a very good point about a misconception that other women think… we are competition/we are out to get your man. This is an intrinsic part of Pretty Girl Confessions, and a part that I have no doubt that will be repeated over and over again. Let me lay it out flatly and honestly for you. We do not contrive to “steal” your man. We do not go out looking for a guy to steal from someone. But, lets be honest men do leave women. All the time for many different reasons. One of those reasons could be that they found someone better, not better than you (the girl), someone better FOR them (the man.) I might offer more sexuality, maybe they crave the girl they can watch Star Wars with over and over again, maybe I a am better able to understand their way of communicating with a significant other. Likewise, a girl with a Pretty Girl Confessions scale of 2 could attract a man I am with because she is better suited for him than I am. Maybe she can offer him more calmness than my intense nature gives him. Whatever the reason, it can work both ways. A 2 is just as much ”competition” as a 9. The more confident a girl is, the more likely she is to attract a man. But the even biger issue, we are not in competition with each other. Who I am is different than everyone else, we are all unique. If my man leaves me for someone else I obviously was not suited for him. Just like if your man leaves you for me you just were not suited for him.

In the posts to come:
A social experiement and an in-depth pretty girl interview.

What Are My Confessions?

So now you are here and wondering what does “Confessions of a Pretty Girl” mean? What are her confessions?

My confessions are the untold views and insights to what it is like to be a pretty girl. The girl a lot of guys would love to be with and the girl women envy or despise. I will conduct social experiements and give you the results. I will interview people on this subject and give you their answers. I will let you know what are the advantages and disadvantages of being a pretty girl. I will even answer the questions you may have for me. But most of all this blog is about me and my life.