Searching For Pretty Girl: Humor Required

Over the months of writing Pretty Girl Confessions I know that we have delved into some pretty serious and, at times, overwhelming issues. I have tried to provide humorous anecdotes to topics that I am passionate and knowledgeable about. But I think it is time to put aside serious topics, take down our clips from our hair, and curl up with some witty ramblings… all inspired by some of the search terms that have lead people here.

Blog stats here on wordpress give you relevant statistical data in regards to the visitors and their reading/clicking habits. Included in the statistics are 7 days worth of search terms used to find my blog. I have picked several out of the 20 used this past week, and I will try to come up with a plausible case scenario of the person using that search phrase. Lets see just how off the cuff on the fly I can really be.

1. The most common search term I get is “Dating Metaphors.” This case scenario is very easy. No one would search for dating metaphors to give their own relationship a cute but usually disturbing coining. No, this person already has had awful luck in dating and is currently experiencing a low from a current or very recent ex. Even more, they are probably trying to write about an analogy to dating and are scoping out what other people have written about this subject.

2. “downfalls dating when you want ex back” This is definitely another common theme I see in the search terms. People want advice on how to get back with their ex. Unfortunately they haven’t read all my posts. Which lets face it, they are the ones who need to the most. I would guess this person is currently dating a “nice guy” that she has no real feelings for while secretly pining away for her asshole ex that treated her like she meant little. She really thinks he is a jerk, but she desperately hopes that she is wrong.

3. This one can be one of the most heartbreaking: ‘”I love you” “i don’t want a relationship”‘ This is sad because what that person is really saying is: I like you a lot, and I had a lot of fun, but I don’t want a relationship with you.” That is why when you run into your ex 3 or 6 months later, guess what? They are in a relationship and it isn’t with you. This person is obviously hoping that there is hope for them. They are hoping to find advice to make that other person want to be with them, sadly… ain’t gonna happen.

4. Now for some funny ones. “martha stewart’s boyfriend” Now this one is completely hilarious to me. I came up in a search aimed at finding out if and whom Martha Stewart’s boyfriend is. Either this is one very strange guy that thinks Martha’s snobbery and jail time is attractive and fulfilling or there is one very bored housewife that dotes on Martha’s ideas and wants to see a picture of her boyfriend in order to play out some sick fantasy that she is Martha Stewart.

5. But this last search term picked for this post definitely takes the cake for the past month: “slutty sister wanted me” It isn’t so odd that a blog of mine could possibly come up in a search like this, the funny part is that they clicked on my blog that was associated with that phrase. I wouldn’t know the first thing about helping out a guy like that… if he was looking for help.. which is highly doubtful. I have sisters, but they aren’t sluts and they certainly wouldn’t want any one I had feelings for. My guess, he is your average guy looking for some porn. Softcore or even pornographic stories would do for this guy. Hmmm sorry dude this Pretty Girl doesn’t do porn… she just enjoys it like the rest of the population!