Pan-handler or Martha Stewart

Nothing says more about you then what you are willing to accept or take. Take for instance Martha Stewart. Her first pies sold were in a local mall just feet away from another woman selling the same pies. What did Martha do in regards to her business competition? She raised the prices on her pies. Her reasoning is simple, if something is priced higher people assume that the quality is better. But you may be asking yourself what in the world does this have to do with relationships?

Self-Respect

In this day in age we are taught from a young age that self-esteem is important. And it is true, self-esteem is a very important factor in being happy and getting what you want. But it only plays a part. Self-respect is the other component to something that is even more important, self-worth. Think of self-esteem as the internal motivation you need to get what you want and self-respect as the means to obtain it. When you combine your wants and needs with a way to achieve them you get your self-worth.

So what is self-respect? It encompasses the part of us that stands up for ourselves, it is the part of us that acts upon feelings that go against our self-esteem. This self-respect is a very important part of a relationship. For some people it comes naturally but for others, not so easily. Take for instance the following scenario:

Jane just got home from a hard day at work managing her fellow bank tellers. Upon her arrival she realizes that she has gotten behind on dishes and laundry, not to mention the fact she has a report due first thing in the morning at work. She is working past her bedtime, still having an hour left until meeting her goals, when the phone rings. It’s John, her boyfriend. They have been in a relationship for about 5 months, and they feel very deeply for each other. Well John is drinking with his buddies, again, and not only does he need a ride home but so do two of his buddies. Jane mutters under her breath and is very annoyed that John keeps expecting her to go out of her way for him, but she does it anyway. When finally arriving back at Jane’s home, John persuades Jane to come to bed. Jane wakes up a little before John and rushes to finish her report. Just as she finishes, John wakes up and they both rush to get ready for work. Jane drives John to work, and makes it to her job just in time. She hands in her report and finishes out her day tired, but content.

This is a classic scenario of having self-esteem but not having self-respect. If Jane had respect for her own responsibilities and her time she would have said no to John. Some of you might find this cold or heartless, but the fact is.. it is John’s responsibility for his own choices. If he drinks too much to drive home safely then he should of had a plan to get there. It also points to his own lack of responsibility and more importantly his lack of respect for Jane. Since Jane does not respect herself it is only fair that John not respect her either.

Conclusion

In order to get what you want you have to be willing to not only think you are worth it, but to make actions that let others know your worth. If you give to yourself first not only will you respect yourself more but so will the people around you. No one should panhandle for love, taking only what little they are given. So go sell your pie as if it were baked in a golden pie tin and cut with a diamond encrusted knife.