New and Old Fishies: A Theory Defined

My parents are still together, amazingly. My father, when I was just a toddler, was working full time and going to college full time having just left the military. He worked hard to make a lot of money, to provide a nice home for us, and tried to protect us from any physical threats. My mother was a stay-at-home mom for both my older sisters and me, the youngest, until I was in about the second or third grade. My dad still works 50-60 hours a week, making use of his degrees and making a nice salary. My mother stays at home and provides daycare for my nephew and watches my daughter and my other sister’s daughter when we need it. I lived your typical and average life with typical mother and father roles.

My mother is starting to discover that she deserves a lot more, and I learned that lesson a long time ago that I needed more from a father then what I was given. Most women are coming to this realization, that we no longer need or rather require a provider and protector. We don’t live in caves anymore, we are no longer embarking on a trip to the new and wild west, and we no longer have to stay home with the kids while Mr. Cleaver, our dear husband and father figure, goes out and provides for us and ultimately makes the choices. This is a new era we are embarking into. We are evolving and becoming new fishies. But evolution is tricky and not always pleasant. So where has evolution left us?

We, as women, are stuck between two worlds. On one hand we are attracted to the manly guy who forgets important occasions, spends a lot of time relaxing, and is very motivated by his work and obtaining a stable and steady income… one that will be enough to provide for others no doubt. On the other hand we are now aware that this is no longer acceptable or feasible for the modern woman. On this current hand of evolution, women now expect a man who has become sensitized to a woman and her needs, the expectation that they should relate to us on a more personal level. Not only are we stuck between what we were raised to be attracted to, but now we have to figure how to attract and foster a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship with men who are going through their own evolution.

The current evolution of man, I will unequivocally admit, is much more intense and much harder than what women are faced with in their current evolution. We know what we are attracted to, we know what we want, and we have the determination to see it through. Men on the other hand not only were raised to be desensitized but do not even know what it means or feels like to become sensitive. They are circling their little fishy tails because they have no idea what else to do. Being emotional and relating to people on an emotional level is not something that you can put into a powerpoint presentation and learn. It is a life long process that is hard until the very end. Women talk through their emotions to strike a balance between cerebral and emotional stability. Men on the other hand have been taught to approach difficulties or problems without emotion and with whatever means it takes to alleviate the problem. Sometimes that means stopping and reverting back to a more stable time. Hence why a lot of women find themselves chugging along only to look next to them to find that their fishy has stopped and began circling their little tail, the fishy saying “just leave me behind.”

We are defining our roles as lovers, wives and husbands, and as mothers and fathers. Mom and wife no longer have to rely on a male for financial security. We can have careers, go to school, buy houses and cars, and even raise children on our own. Stability and physical presence is no longer enough. Taking up space in a home and contributing to the finances is no longer attractive, in fact it is down right aggrevating and obsolete. We can get a smaller home and provide for the household and children just as well without men. But in this scenerio the men are no longer taking up space, neglecting our new needs, and making situations where we have to sacrifice or revert to a traditional role. However; the one thing that is missing from this scenerio is a partner and equal to share our life with.

This is the partner we as women are looking at evolution to give us. Unfortunately we are not able to help very much in speeding this along. This is an evolution that men will have to face on their own and come to terms with. They will have to work hard and they will usually have to start from the inside out. They have to become re-familiarized with their emotional cues and convictions. They have to start relating to people in a whole new way, in a way that cannot be taught by reading a book. It can only be learned by trial and error. They have no role models to look up to, they don’t have peers to turn to, and they have no manual to help them. This is true for both sides of the coin. Women as well have no role models to look up to, no peers to turn to, and no self-help book has come out to help your Old School Fishies turn in to New School Fishies.

I have no doubt that my daughter will refine and define a greater sense of this role. Our generation is faced with serious problems because we are creating new roles, and with that creating new and harder problems. We are making a lot of mistakes, both sexes, and trying to learn ways of fixing them.  What will help us in making these new roles? Can we really find a common ground? Can men really relate to women the way we want them to? What can both sexes do for each other to foster better understanding? Are these new roles even workable? These are all questions we are faced with and there are no easy answers. The one question you can ask yourself that will give you a starting point at least is:
How evolved are you on the fishy scale?

 HAPPY FISHING EVERYONE!