Schools of Fish: A New Theory is Born

I became a pusher (see Pushing. Give Up and Let Go blog post) and I couldn’t figure out why, of all people, I had fallen into this bad habit for a few weeks. I knew I didn’t want to be with him, I knew that I deserved better; yet there was something there that I didn’t want to let go of. I finally figured it out after much soul-searching:

I wanted my best friend back

This lead me to even more soul-searching as to why I was making them my best friend. I thought I was very wrong on this point and tried to figure a way out of it, after all I am a pretty and confident girl. After a month of searching myself and my behavior an article lead me to my Old School Fish New School Fish theory. It was about the new roles men are facing in marriages and relationships in general. Here is my conclusion from this article (an excerpt written in a private blog of mine):

When it is all said and done all this article has offered me is a more meaningful and larger explaination with what is wrong with the people in my generation. We are pioneers for what our kids and grandkids will no doubt refine and master. We are feeling our way through and making mistake upon mistake only for our kids to come out and say “you gave us the first steps in these new ‘roles’ but now we figured out the next few.” You see our generation is going through a period where a lot of things have changed, and a lot of these things are contrary to what we have seen and were raised to be. It’s like we realize they had it wrong, and we realize what we want… it’s just we don’t know how to get it.

There are some people I know who have figured it out and have met and retained people that give them what they need, but as a whole we are trying to re-make the rules and it isn’t as easy as it was to come up with the goal. This article has not changed my determination nor has it lent me much sympathy for the men who think physical presence is enough. I want more, I demand more, and I am not willing to wait years being with someone while they figure it out. Because that is only going to cause resentment and hurt feelings. My expectations are high, I demand the best of myself and of my partner. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that want or expectation, but I think I should add to my expectation that what I want might be very hard to find.

I am looking through a sea of confused and unsure fishies. When I look at this “sea” I am looking at fish chasing their tails, chasing other fish, then retreating back to chasing their tails. With all the chaos it is hard to see the fish that have gotten beyond going round in circles. And sometimes I catch the fish while they are going straight only to look next to me to see they have regressed back to going round in circles. It’s hard to tell the circlers from the straight and determined. And to be honest, right now I am getting a little sea sick from the chaos.

The Emperor’s New Woes was meant to foster more understanding and acceptance of this new forging of a man’s role. All it has successfully done is made me more determined to find the few fishies that have left the “old school” for the “new school.” I know they are out there, I know they have gone through a lot to get there, all I need to do is figure out how to recognise the new schoolers from the old schoolers.

This is why I had become a pusher. I had expected him to be a New School Fish but he just turned out to be another Old School Fish. I gave and expected the same in return, and simply put, I wanted what I gave back. It was regret manifesting as pushing. Fishing is a topic that will covered for a while, including some social experiments and in-depth interviews. Check back soon for these blogs.